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How understanding SELFF might help you or your children to a Growth Mindset.

S is for strategy: Someone may have a really positive mindset, and have all the other factors in place – but are just using the wrong strategy.  A bee trapped in the house will try hard to fly to the outside through the pane of glass: it won’t work.

So consider: might you or your children be struggling to succeed at something because you or they are using the wrong strategy?

E is for effort.  Persistence pays.  Very few people have an overnight success.  It usually takes time and effort.

So consider if you or your children might give up too easily, or lack persistence or effort.

L: is for learning. “There is no failure, only feedback.”  Most people, at some point, will experience failure.  Especially if trying something new, different, ambitious or challenging.  It’s what you do with that failure that matters.  If you can frame ‘failure’ as ‘a learning opportunity’, then failure may be less scary, and less terminal.

So consider: might you or your children see failure as devastating, rather than developmental?

F is for Feedback. Anyone with a growth mindset welcomes feedback, because that is an opportunity to learn, and move forward.  Avoiding or dismissing feedback means you will probably end up stuck where you are, with what you’ve got.

So consider: do you or your children have an aversion to feedback, particularly if it is focused on areas ‘where you got it wrong’ (or put another way, ‘where you could grow or improve’)

F is for failure.

JK Rowling had her Harry Potter book rejected by 12 publishers.

Colonel Sanders was rejected 1009 times before his Kentucky Fried Chicken was accepted by a restaurant.

Stephen Spielberg was turned down 3 times for a place at USC’s Film School.

None of these three – and countless others – let rejection stop them   In fact, it simply made them more determined…

So consider how you or your children handle failure….

SELFF

How do the two mindsets handle these key factors?

strategy

Someone may have a really positive mindset, and have all the other factors in place – but are just using the wrong strategy. A bee trapped in the house will try hard to fly to the outside through the pane of glass: it won’t work.

So consider: might you or your children be struggling to succeed at something because you or they are using the wrong strategy?

effort

Persistence pays. Very few people have an overnight success. It usually takes time and effort.

So consider if you or your children might give up too easily, or lack persistence or effort.

learning

“There is no failure, only feedback.” Most people, at some point, will experience failure. Especially if trying something new, different, ambitious or challenging. It’s what you do with that failure that matters. If you can frame ‘failure’ as ‘a learning opportunity’, then failure may be less scary, and less terminal.

So consider: might you or your children see failure as devastating, rather than developmental?

feedback

Anyone with a growth mindset welcomes feedback, because that is an opportunity to learn, and move forward. Avoiding or dismissing feedback means you will probably end up stuck where you are, with what you’ve got.

So consider: do you or your children have an aversion to feedback, particularly if it is focused on areas ‘where you got it wrong’ (or put another way, ‘where you could grow or improve’).

failure

JK Rowling had her Harry Potter book rejected by 12 publishers.

Colonel Sanders was rejected 1009 times before his Kentucky Fried Chicken was accepted by a restaurant.

Stephen Spielberg was turned down 3 times for a place at USC’s Film School.

None of these three – and countless others – let rejection stop them. In fact, it simply made them more determined…

So consider how you or your children handle failure….

audio

Do the 8 statements shown represent a fixed or a growth mindset?  Decide for yourself, with reasons, before clicking on the statement to reveal the answer.  Then go to the family worksheet to work out who's fixed, and who isn't...

Fixed or Growth?

family worksheet

“I am good at this”

Fixed: someone who feels they are already ‘good’ (or are told so) may be content to stick at what they are good at, and, since ‘good’ attracts praise and a feeling of self-satisfaction – why risk that by trying something you might not be ‘good’ at? So all this will encourage them to stay in their ‘comfort zone’

“Keep going, you’ll improve with practice”

Growth. The individual is being encouraged, and may feel valued that people have faith in his/her potential. Plus – it makes sense: most people know that any skill improves with practice.

“I can’t be good at everything”

Fixed – this is likely to provide a good reason not to try something new. No-one is asking them to be good at everything. And everyone can be good at something – and usually more than one thing…

“Great – I can see an improvement from last time”

Growth – this individual knows that learning, and ultimately success – is not a fixed point, but a progression, a journey. “You can’t get over there, by staying over here…”. A significant difference between the two mindsets is that ‘success’ for a fixed mindset is…fixed, static For a growth mindset, it is developing, improving, dynamic…

“How could I improve on that?”

Growth – once again, the individual is not focusing on a fixed point of success (eg “how good was that!”), but on a moving trajectory called improvement.

Yes! Got it! Now – what’s next?

Growth – the individual is happy to have achieved something – but having now achieved it, is not content to ‘rest’ there, but wants to push on to the next level. Generally, fixed mindset people are happy with what they have achieved, and focus on that (present success); growth mindset people can acknowledge present success, but are focused on the next level – future success.

“Maybe this isn’t for me after all”

Fixed – probably said after some level of ‘failure’, which provides the justification for ‘giving up’. Someone with a growth mindset would be much more likely to say something like “Hmmm- I wonder what I’m doing – or not doing – that I need to work on to improve”

“Never mind, you did your best”

Fixed – in our culture we often value effort, almost above everything else, including perhaps success. “It’s not the winning, but the taking part”. And of course, that is laudable, and will make a lot of people feel good – but it won’t drive success (read ‘The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother’ for jaw-dropping examples of this….)

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